Monday, 12 July 2010

Crystal balls and testicular temperature?!

Mrs B and I enjoyed an impromptu visit from some similarly pregnafied (I hereby trademark this new word) friends this weekend. Mr and Mrs M are two months ahead of us and, savouring the July sunshine with a round of decaf coffees in the garden, we spent a couple of hours conforming to the norm when it comes to first-time parents.

Indeed, having once scoffed at smug, newly-marrieds who endlessly harp on about their bundles of unborn joy, our entire conversation this weekend centred around breast pumps, prams, nappies, nurseries and birth plans.

Pausing for a second in the midst of one debate on the pros and cons of reusable nappies and the inevitable pressure on one's washing machine, I reflected on the situation with Mr M.

'Is it just me, or is this is all a bit surreal?' I asked.

'Don't worry mate,' he reassured me. 'I can't quite believe it either, middle age here we come!' At which point I noticed I was wearing slippers.

Truth be told, it was great to be able to talk openly about the huge changes that are on the horizon for all of us and the experiences we've had so far. At one point, however, as the conversation turned to the sex of our respective offspring, Mrs M hit us with an old wives' tale that we had never previously heard.

'Of course,' she said matter-of-factly, 'it all comes down to the temperature of your testicles.'

Blank faces around the table.
'It's true,' Mrs M reassured us, sensing the doubt in our puzzled expressions. 'If your boys were cold at the time of conception then it'll be a boy, and if they were hot then it'll be a girl.'

So, using this newly acquired knowledge and dating their day of take-off back to December last year and ours to late January (on the other side of the world) we were able to work out, from the respective temperatures of our aforementioned bits and pieces, that we can expect a girl in October and the Ms a boy in August.

Anyone currently trying for a baby and keen for either a boy or a girl can therefore forget the science and, instead, reach for a thermometer and either visit the nearest sauna or sit atop the freezer for an hour.

Will the testicular temperature theory prove correct? We'll know by the end of October. In the meantime, I think I'll refrain from bulk buying everything in pink, just in case.

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