"Shoes on, coat on!"

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Every day and every time we leave the house, these are the words that my wife and I find ourselves saying, often in a raised voice and always - without fail - repeated at least six times;

"PUT...YOUR...SHOES...AND....COATS....ON!"

It's a simple ask. I'm not requesting that my children craft their own shoes from whatever they can find in the recycling bin, nor am I asking them to sew together a homemade parker. These are the very basic elements required for a trip outdoors in the cold, be it to school, the shops or wherever we're next due to taxi them.

Shoe dunnit?

However, for my children, locating aforementioned items and attaching them to their person is like assigning a body of work to Ethan Hunt! It's also, for them, the hardest thing they have ever been asked to do, every time.

The protestations are endless, as if shoes are an optional, luxury item - the feet equivalent of earrings - that require marathon levels of physical exertion to put on. As for coats, they manage to find new ways not to wear, or to half wear, their coats every day. One arm in, one out; tied around the waist; half hanging down the back; hood only, cape-style or on, but entirely open to the howling gale and torrential rain that greets them as they step out of the door.

Procrastination also reaches new records whenever the time comes to don shoes and coats. The toilet is suddenly and urgently needed; brushing of teeth is remembered; socks need to be found (an entirely separate blog post required here) or truly fascinating dirt has to be played with. Anything to put off the practice of covering ones feet and torso for the outdoors.

It's a battle that drains my soul on a daily basis as no matter how much time is left to get out of the front door, it is never enough. The protracted shoe/coat drama has made us late more times than I care to remember, and it's turned me into a liar too.

Truth: "So sorry we're late, William took 15 minutes to put one shoe on and Molly threw her coat on the pavement."

Inevitable lie: "Traffic!"

So I feel it's time for an experiment. Starting tomorrow I am no longer going to say the words; "shoes and coats on." I am not going to remind, nag, shout or otherwise lose my rag, and we will leave the house on time, whatever state of dress my children are in. If that means going to school in slippers, or facing the next winter storm in a t-shirt, so be it.

I'm taking a stand for all similarly anguished parents. The drama stops here.

Now, where did I put my coat?